he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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