By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
