Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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