I can text with my tongue
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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