there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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