It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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