I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
