i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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