Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
