you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
