some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
