Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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