she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
