Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
