im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
