Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think people are normalizing furries
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
