"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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