Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
