he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
