i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
