Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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