she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
