Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
