**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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