She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You left your phone here
Wait...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
