I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
