I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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