im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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