So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
