He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
