Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
