You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
