so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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