Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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