Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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