I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
