So drunk its hurt
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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