i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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