This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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