I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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