am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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