Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
