All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
