The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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