I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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