How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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