eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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