I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
