I think i peed on brittanys purse
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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