Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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