Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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