i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
