I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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