Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
