I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
