I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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