I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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