I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your cock deserves a montage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
