i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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