Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
