his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
