Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
