Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
