You're so nebulous sometimes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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