I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Terrible idea I love it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
