What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Girls should come with a carfax report
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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