idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
