I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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