giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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