and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
