dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
