Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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