and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
