Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
