so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
