please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
