Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
