remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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