Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
