Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
