Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be naked everywhere
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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