I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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