Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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