I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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