I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
