We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
