Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
