I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
