Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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