I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
