This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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