So drunk its hurt
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
