PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize