Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
