This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
