when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
