You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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